the life of a heartbroken
it starts when you wake up..
you feel like something is missing, so you try to figure it out.
you just remembered…he’s gone. so the pain goes back.
you drag yourself out of bed, forcing youself to be alert and not let your mind wander on past thoughts…
on past hurts. you will yourself up, reminding yourself that you can do it..
you can move on.
you don’t look at you cellphone for a message.
you wouldn’t know what to do if he texted and you’ll be in pain if he doesn’t.
you take a shower. then because you were able to make yourself not look at your cellphone right away, you treat yourself by casually looking.
however, nobody texted.
then you tell yourself that you’ll change numbers so as not to hope and to be able to finally move on,
(althought you know at the end of the day, even if you buy 10 sim cards, you will still switch it with your old number)
you text all your friends just to feel comforted,just to feel you’re not alone.
you go to work, reassuring yourself once in a while that you’re fine..
encouraging yourself that it will turn out okay…
informing youself to be patient, that you will heal…in time.. everything has a reason afterall.
you have a big smile at work
you make sure that you do better to compensate for the loss.
it might not be possible for you to have everything but it doesn’t mean you have to lose everything either…
you were able to take him off your mind for 9 hours. a big achievement.
you don’t want to go home though, you know you will think about him.
so you stay in the office until everyone leaves, then you are left alone… again.
it’s time to go home… you wish you drink so as not to linger in wakeness, but then you don’t so it’s a big problem.
you’re finally home. you watch the tv, too tired to do the laundry, check your cellphone once in a while then decide to sleep again.
you have work later you must sleep….
….but then it starts, it creeps even if you try to brush it off your mind…
all the blame,
all what ifs,
the anger,
the loneliness
and no matter how often you cry,
your heart still bleeds for that someone who had hurt you over and over again
March 16th, 2009 at 2:33 am
you have an option not to be in pain anymore..but maybe youre not just that ready yet to be your old self again..it will take time , alam mu naman un weh..and he will find ways (alam mu rin un…) to win you back..but remember if you decide to fall into his arms again, stock up on tissues and a lot of pain relievers (baka sakali it can take away pain kahit onti) just in case IT happens again..for sure it will..kita mu…everything that happens once may never happen again, but everything that happens 2x will surely happen the 3rd time..love you friend..in pain or not, im just here..mwah!
June 10th, 2009 at 11:25 am
I don’t dwell in all the posibilites of “what if’s”…
I care about my Love even when I know I have wronged her and I can change, a person cannot overcome alone in darkness.
I know I can forgive for all the infidelity and hurt she put me through and after all…she is just a lady, but inside there is a strong warrior.
I was never good at keeping cell phones intact but that is because they were not always used for good purposes by others so I learned detatchment from them.
Tomorrow I pray I won’t wake up with the lonliness feeling that the morning Sun rise will provide for the day, and her number I will have to escape this growing fear when I know that accetance of Love and healing brings more than prosperity and happiness. It provides true joy and delight to the soul.