phase
i have come to a point where i can no longer understand myself and no matter how i try to regain the self i know… i fail. there is security in knowing who you are, knowing what you want, being in control. i miss that sometimes. when i think of all the reason for this pain, i end up thinking i’m lost again. love should give you a path, a clear path of the unknown. the confidence to face this unknown even if there is no assurance along the road. how come mine is not working that way? how come i question myself of what i’m worth? how come i’m shrinking instead of growing? why do i allow myself to accept what is served? isn’t it just right to question? am i too selfish because i feel like i deserve more? or am i just too giving that i am left with nothing? love is unconditional, but i am humane. love doesn’t count, but i am worldly. love accepts, but shouldn’t it improve? love is humble, but it doesn’t mean it can be abused. love should sustain, still i’m hungry. love makes things possible, or so i thought. love changed me, when it shouldn’t and it did not when it should.
June 10th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
I know you understand youself better than you think, what would Our Creator say about you, that is a good meditation. I like being in control too but a confident woman helps you find that path and the unkown isn’t so scarry anymore because you know who is truly on your side. You should have growth, I am not right now and that has to change as well. You deserve the best quality but do not let others make you feel greedy and act on it, you said youself that you are wordly. Love is humble but hit a child ten times, his anger will cause him to fight back. I know women who accept no recompance for what has been done to their children who are abused.
Love should sustain and nourish you mentaly and emotionaly, bring you health and keep you from making the wrong choices that lead many, many others to certain death and punishment. That is why selfishness is not a virtue.
Love changed me also and transformed me into a new person higher than where I was before because I Trusted Him. I have to learn to trust a good woman who will nourish me in the way that even some of the most humble did not.